To Guard You and Keep You
by shinigami714
Summary: All Fili ever wanted for his brother was happiness, for Kili's smile was the world's greatest treasure. Fili/Kili, inspired by Sleepsong as sung by the lovely Miery.


AN: So a couple weeks ago a lovely reviewer, Miery, sent me a link to a song she'd sung on youtube thinking it might inspire me to write a Fili/Kili: www . youtube dot com /watch?v = RimdeE9iUDk. Take out the spaces and check it out! Let's just say I loved it, and combined with Peter Jackson's preview of the next movie… I just had to write this! I recommend listening to the song on repeat while reading this story, as that's what I did while writing it. She also did a cover of Song of the Lonely Mountain, check that one out as well, heck, check all her music out!

Pairing: Fili/Kili

Warnings: Angst, Incest

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**To Guard You and Keep You**

The boat rocked gently on the calm water as the dwarves huddled in its tight confines. Not a sound was heard other than the soft lapping of water against the wooden panels, and the gentle breathing of the company. The sky was gloomy and grey, and a thick fog settled low around them. Fili leant back against the hull; his brother's head nestled in his lap. Kili was deathly pale, his skin covered in a thick sheen of sweat that Fili tried in vain to wipe away. His brother's eyes had looked oddly blank for hours, glassy and unfocused as they stared up at the sea of grey above. He was feverish and warm to the touch, though his body shivered and trembled in his brother's grasp. The wound on his leg had festered, turning a sickly purple as it continued to bleed lightly.

Fili knew Kili might die, and he was guilt ridden at the thought he had failed yet again to protect his beloved brother. They had done all they could for him, with the few supplies they still had. Now he just had to pray that his brother held through until they found more help. Kili had always been a fighter, even when he was just a babe. He fought through illnesses that had claimed other children in the Blue Mountains, and even when he suffered from terrifying wounds, Kili smiled up at his brother and said he'd be fine. But this time there was no smile, no words. His little brother truly looked on the cusp of death.

Fili startled when he felt a cool drop of rain land on his face. It began to drizzle lightly, the droplets making quiet little noises as they reunited with the river water below and pattered upon the wooden planks of the boat. Fili gently stroked his brother's face, wiping his wet hair aside and watching as the raindrops mingled with the sweat already there. Kili shivered again and his eyes closed slowly. Fili remarked at how his brother's dark lashes contrasted so deeply with his pallor, and he watched the rain make trails down the other dwarf's cheeks. It looked like his brother was crying, but Fili knew better. Kili never cried, and he was too far gone now to do so even if he did. Still the sight was dismaying, and Fili desperately tried to hold off tears himself.

His brother didn't deserve this pain. Kili was so beautiful, always raising the spirits of those around him. He was like a beacon of light that you just couldn't help growing attached to. Fili had always wanted happiness for Kili. He had thought this venture might bring it, but thus far it had brought nothing but agony. Fili could not see how any kingdom would be worth watching his brother suffer so. No amount of gold or jewels was worth it. He would spend a lifetime in poverty if it meant seeing his brother smile.

Kili shifted slightly in his arms, and mumbled lightly as his eyes opened once more. They were as glassy and unfocused as before but this time Fili could see the pain within them.

"Shh, shh," Fili whispered as he rest a hand on Kili's neck and played with the tiny hairs there. He recalled a song their mother had sung to them as children. A song he himself had learned and lulled his little brother to sleep with many times. Perhaps it was the coldness in the air, or the starkness of his brother's skin. Or perhaps it was the tortured look in the other dwarf's eyes that made him begin humming the tune softly. Despite the quiet timber of his voice, it echoed loudly around him, and he knew the entire company was watching him intently. Somehow it only gave him the confidence to continue, and he did, singing to his brother in an effort to calm him.

"Lay down your head,  
And I'll sing you a lullaby,  
Back to the years,  
Of loo-li, lai-ley,"

Fili's eyes flickered up around him and he noticed the sad expressions upon the faces of his comrades. Their Burglar was hiding his face in his knees and the morale seemed to be at an unnatural low. Thorin was watching him with a pained look in his eyes, and Fili knew, his uncle was feeling guilt as well, for allowing one of his nephews to come to harm. The dwarf had always been like a father to him and Kili, watching over them, training them. Fili remembered a time when Thorin would play with them both and laugh alongside them as though he had not a care in the world. Fili knew now that Thorin had always held a great weight of responsibility on his shoulders, one that Fili could feel beginning to take hold of him as well. He did not envy his uncle and his place as king. Nor did he look forward to the day he would one day take that place. Thorin turned then to look out on the water, his brow resting gently in one of his hands.

"And I'll sing you to sleep,  
And I'll sing you tomorrow,  
Bless you with love,  
For the road that you go,"

Fili reminisced about the times he and his brother would pretend to rule Erebor together. They were both kings, ruling side by side, and in their kingdom, everyone was happy, everything was perfect. They had fought off imaginary foes, but never killed them. There were no wargs or orcs hurting their people, no wars or famine. Just happiness and Kili's brilliant smile. Fili did not know how he could possibly ever rule without his brother at his side.

"May you sail fair,  
To the far fields of fortune,  
With diamonds and pearls,  
At your head and your feet,"

He remembered the day Kili had been born. His cries had not lasted long, his mouth forming a toothless grin that made a young Fili giggle with delight. He remembered everything about his brother, his first step, his first words, the very first time he hugged Fili like a lifeline. He even remembered the few times he had hurt his little brother, turned him away, yelled at him, fought with him. Even in those times Kili had not cried, despite the sadness hidden in his eyes. Fili remembered the relief in them each time he would apologize and embrace the other, showering his head with little kisses, and Kili would say nothing, though his fingers always gripped tightly in Fili's clothes. But now the rain had stopped, and when Fili looked upon his brother's face soft wet trails still fell from his eyes, and Fili knew his brother was shedding tears. Fili swallowed thickly and ran his fingers through the moisture, though it was only replaced by more.

"And may you need never,  
To banish misfortune,  
May you find kindness,  
In all that you meet,"

Fili remembered each and every time Kili would braid his hair. His younger brother's fingers were always gentle and quick, and he easily perfected the task. Fili struggled not to laugh each time his brother would intentionally unravel a braid he was working on, just to make it take a little longer. He never mentioned it to Kili, as he enjoyed it just as much. And Fili loved braiding his brother's hair as well. He would weave intricate patterns into his dark locks while the other slept, though he never tied them off, instead taking joy in watching his brother's hair unwind itself throughout the following day. The soft curls that remained in their wake were enough evidence that Fili's fingers had touched the other dwarf's hair.

"May there always be angels,  
To watch over you,  
To guard you each step of the way,  
To guard you and keep you,  
Safe from all harm,  
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-ley,"

He remembered the very moment he realised his love for his brother, every single detail. They'd been eating breakfast; their mother was sitting in the corner of the room stitching up one of Kili's old and worn out shirts. Fili had looked up at his brother, who was chattering on and on about how excited he was to go exploring in the nearby caverns that day. The two hadn't had a lot of time to spend with each other, busy with lessons and training. At the end of each day both of them tended to climb into bed exhausted, and then they'd be up at dawn the next morning to start again. But that day it was just the two of them, and Fili had promised to spend it with his brother. He watched as Kili spoke over the food he tried to devour, and chuckled as his brother choked on bits of potato when he got too excited. Kili had grinned at him in embarrassment then continued talking, and Fili had known, in his heart and soul, that the dwarf before him was his one, the only dwarf he would ever love.

It hit him suddenly, like a brick wall, though it was far less painful. He knew he was staring at his brother with surprise, but Kili didn't notice, far too giddy and focused on eating. Fili had set down his fork slowly and sat back in his chair while his breath hitched. He knew their mother was watching from the corner of her eye, that she had probably seen how enraptured he looked with his brother. He knew she must have noticed how little he ate that morning; as he was unable to do anything but look at Kili. Kili and his dark eyes and hair, his slim form and adorable nose, his thick eyebrows and the dimples in his cheeks, the way his lips spread so beautifully to show his teeth. Fili even observed the way Kili would look down and close his eyes while he grinned, as though he put every ounce of himself into each and every smile. And without consciously thinking about it Fili smiled back. Even if Kili did not return his love, Fili was so incredibly happy just to have found him, and to be able to watch him each day.

"May you bring love,  
And may you bring happiness,  
Be loved in return,  
To the end your days,"

The first time they had kissed was engraved into Fili's mind just like every other moment he spent beside his brother. He'd never told Kili how he felt about him before that day, but there was just something that compelled him to show him. It had been raining, much harder than the soft drizzle from before. They'd been in the forest, hunting, as they loved to do together, when it started pouring. The two dwarves ran to find shelter but in the end gave up and surrendered to the weather, their clothing soaked through, their hair drenched and plastered to their faces.

Fili remembered how Kili had spun around in circles and raised his face and arms to the skies as though he was meant to soar up into them. His brother had always belonged amongst nature, unlike many dwarves that seemed to excel cooped up under a mountain. Fili figured his brother was better off living in the wild, slinking around like a curious fox. He would have loved to build a little cabin for his brother, to visit in the trees. Somewhere they could go, to get away from their worries, just the two of them.

Kili's smile had been particularly infectious that day, and his laughter rang out deep and throaty in the woods. It had been a cold rain, but Fili hadn't felt it, his body filled with warmth at the sight of his brother so joyous. He'd approached him like a wolf on the prowl, and pushed him hard into one of the trees nearby. Kili had looked at him in surprise, but Fili just encased his hands in the other dwarf's drenched locks and pulled his brother's lips up to meet his own.

He remembered the warmth of the kiss, and how Kili had tasted of the wild. His brother had been shorter than him at the time, and Fili completely encased his body against the tree. Water dripped down their noses between their faces, and their breath was strikingly hot where it mingled between them. All of Fili's fears that his brother might not return his love were washed away with that rainfall, as Kili had gripped him so tightly and surrendered to the kiss completely, whispering his name on the wind. They had collapsed on the wet ground below, rolling in the mud and twigs as leaves latched onto their skin and hair. Fili devoured every inch of his brother's mouth, kissed each edge of his face.

Finally the two dwarves ran home, laughing and with flushed faces, clothing a mess with dirt and grime. Dis had been scandalized at the sight of them, but she'd known by the expressions on their faces what her sons had found together. Fili pulled his brother into their room where they collided again in a mess of desperate kissing until both were overcome by exhaustion.

The following morning they'd both woken with dreadful colds, but they'd laughed through their coughing fits and cleaned up the mess they made despite their suffering. Kili had whined endlessly, but always with a smile on his face and Fili knew his brother was just as content. The two fell asleep next to each other every night while they were ill, and every night after.

"Now fall off to sleep,  
I'm not meaning to keep you,  
I'll just sit for a while,  
And sing Loo-li, lai-ley,"

The first time they made love was…Fili couldn't describe it. Not with just one word. They'd been young, too young, but Fili would never have taken it back. He didn't regret a single moment spent with his brother. Kili had looked ravishing, as always, staring at Fili with confidence and lusty eyes. But Fili had known he was nervous. His brother couldn't hide anything from him, and the small nearly non-existent trembles in his thighs and the light shudders in his breaths betrayed him. Though Kili had all but caught up in height, Fili still saw the other as his precious little brother. He would always see him that way, always strive to protect the other and take care of him. And he would certainly never hurt him.

Fili had done his best to be gentle, running his fingers soothingly up the other dwarf's back, and trailing kisses across his brother's body. He'd taken his time with him, slicking him, and stretching him until Kili shuddered in his arms with ecstasy. Slipping inside him had been unspeakable. Fili had closed his eyes, unable to control himself while he was looking at Kili's face. His brother held him tightly and managed to push his head into Fili's shoulder as he hid his face. Fili had been so overwhelmed by the vulnerability Kili had revealed that day, a side of his brother he was rarely shown. Kili always strived to show his strength, determined to win in a fight, to prove himself to everyone around him. Fili knew it was something he could speak of to no one, and that those moments were meant only for his eyes.

When Fili had moved within him, Kili had chanted his name into his neck and dragged his fingers across his back deep enough to draw blood. He saw the moment his brother peaked, the younger dwarf's head thrown back against the sheets beneath them, and his toes curling as his legs shook at Fili's sides. And then Fili had been lost, in an ocean of feelings. His mind had ceased to function as his body shuddered in pleasure. He had collapsed atop his brother in a pile of limbs, sheets, and sweat. The evidence of their coupling clung to their bodies but neither moved to clean it away. The need to be close was far too prevalent and so Fili held his brother and pulled a blanket over their bodies while they drifted into peaceful dreams.

"May there always be angels,  
To watch over you,  
To guard you each step of the way,  
To guard you and keep you,  
Safe from all harm,  
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-ley,  
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-ley,"

Fili's hand shook as it tucked hair behind his brother's ear. He wished they could go back, to an easier time, to when their greatest problem was deciding which path to take in the forest each day. He wished his brother had never felt such pain, had never been hurt under his watch. He wished he could save him. The silence rang out over the company now, as Fili stopped singing and his eyes looked longingly down at his brother's face. Then Kili's eyes latched onto his, filled with a sudden clarity that made Fili's breath hitch in his throat. And Kili smiled. His eyes sparkled and his face shone with happiness and Fili felt as tears began running down his face. Kili just kept smiling, and he lifted one arm slowly to touch his brother's face. One of Kili's fingers caught a tear and wiped it away and he coughed to clear his throat.

"I've a-always loved your voice," Kili rasped. Fili gripped his brother's hand and lowered his arm while he held it in a tight grip. Trust Kili to smile through his pain, to pretend for Fili that everything was just fine. His brother's smile was truly the greatest treasure one could ever ask for. The older dwarf looked into his brother's eyes and bent to press a tender kiss to Kili's lips. He did not speak of the underlying pain he could see in the other's expression, or of the slight shaking of the lips he touched. He did not think on the sickly colour of Kili's skin or the stale sound of his unsteady breaths. Fili thought only of his love for Kili, and how happy he was to have him in his arms. They lingered against one another for a moment, and Fili smiled against his brother's lips.

"Shh, brother, rest my love," Fili whispered, and he kissed the other dwarf once more before sitting back against the boat's hull again. Kili's eyes clouded over as they had before, though the shadow of a smile still resided on his face. Fili rubbed his brother's eyebrow and began to hum softly again. He would do anything he could for Kili, even if that meant singing to him for eternity. As the waves rocked the boat and the fog around them settled, Fili hoped against all odds that his brother would survive, that his song would keep him safe.

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AN: Thanks for reading! There really isn't enough Fili/Kili out there for me. I've read just about every single story on Ao3 and it feels like 95% of the stories on here have OCs or Mary Sues in them. Nothing against people who like/write those stories, but I sort of hate reading them. I just want some Fili/Kili man…is it too much to ask? And it would be nice if they didn't die and stuff too (says the girl that thrives on their suffering). Maybe I'm just too particular about my characterization.


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